ND-Alabama: The best boring teams left

al.com

By Adam Cancryn

Notre Dame and Alabama are the best teams left. Whether they're the most enjoyable to watch is another story.

On a crisp November night in 2011, a group of friends and I packed into a narrow Washington, D.C. bar. We were there to watch Alabama and LSU in a late-season matchup of the nation's top-ranked teams. Most everyone in that bar was there solely for that purpose too, if I recall, which was a bit odd on a Saturday night in Adams Morgan. But that's how big this game was, hyped nonstop for the past week as the most momentous meeting in recent college football history.

I hadn't seen much of either team at that point, but based on the attention surrounding them, I figured it could be a treat. At best, we'd witness some sort of history. At worst, it'd be a few enjoyable hours of football.

I was wrong. What unfolded that night was neither historic (Alabama and LSU would meet again a few weeks later in the title game) nor enjoyable. It was, quite simply, the dullest sporting experience I can remember. The teams traded three-yard runs and wobbly passes for a few quarters, crashing into each other again and again and yet rarely making it past the opposing 40-yard line. When the dust cleared, LSU had "won," 9-6, in overtime. After hanging in for the entire game in hopes that something great might happen, we fled the bar before football could inflict any more damage on our psyche.

Come the morning, though, I wondered whether I'd been watching the right channel. LSU-Alabama was hailed as an instant classic, the epitome of football at its old-school, smash-mouth best. By 1930s leather helmet standards, maybe. Here in the modern world, the term for something that produces this ugly of a box score* is "painful." The defenses were impressive, sure. But they were rarely tested, unless you count the challenge of staying awake while LSU debated which quarterback would attempt its next half-hearted throw.

* It's worth combing through the box score just to marvel at the absolute lack of offense that went on here. LSU, the best team in the country, used two quarterbacks who combined for 99 yards passing! Their starting running back averaged 1.8 yards per carry! And this was the team that won!

Needless to say, that game stuck with me in a way I imagine is most closely comparable to a bad acid trip. And this past Saturday, when quarterback A.J. McCarron flung — Tebow-like — a 45-yard touchdown pass to put Alabama up late, I immediately thought back to that night. By the time Georgia became the latest SEC team to fail at the maths portion of the game and turn three shots at the end zone into one orgy of ineptitude, that November night in 2011 was front and center in my mind. It's unavoidable now. We're in for what will surely be the most hyped snoozer of a title game possible.

That doesn't mean Alabama and Notre Dame don't deserve to be in this spot. They took care of business while others faltered, and while there are always cases to be made for other teams*, these two are abundantly reasonable choices. Fans of both schools will certainly enjoy the show.

* Florida has the best case by far, having lost only to Georgia while beating seven teams with winning records, including Texas A&M. Georgia beat just three with winning records (Florida, Georgia Southern & Vanderbilt), while Alabama lost to Texas A&M and played an easier overall schedule.

But for the rest of us: Oof. In one corner, you've got Alabama, that paragon of SEC stubbornness. Their mentality is so traditional that for much of the game against Georgia they all but abandoned the forward pass. Before McCarron's fourth-quarter fling, he'd completed four passes for 22 yards in entire the second half. The Crimson Tide's game plan is simple; they're going to run right, run left, and run up the middle and dare you to stop it. When the defense crowds the line, McCarron's leash is loosened (but just a little) to take advantage of single coverage. It's simple and effective, and brutal to watch.

I'll take three yards and a cloud of dust over Notre Dame, though. The Fighting Irish have one of the worst offenses of any ranked team this year, and are historically bad compared with previous national champions. By Sports Reference LLC's Simple Rating System, Notre Dame's offense is 1.55 points above average, good for 57th in the nation (Alabama ranked 43rd at 3.89 points). By comparison, potential title contenders Oregon, Georgia and Florida finished third, 16th and 49th, respectively. You have to go back to the 2002 Ohio State Buckeyes, quarterbacked by Craig Krenzel, to find a team anywhere close to approaching Notre Dame's lack of production. Their 12-0 record is a tribute to the defense, which held onto numerous slim leads while the offense tried to get out of its own way. That squad will have to turn in its best performance of the year against Alabama, which boasts a defense of its own that could hold the Fighting Irish to single digits.

Everyone enjoys a defensive struggle once in a while, and the national title game should certainly deliver on that. Whether that struggle is exciting is another story. There's a difference in football between competitive and enjoyable, and Alabama-Notre Dame are prime contenders to demonstrate just how wide that gap is. Keep that in mind as the chatter surrounding this game hits full volume over the next five weeks. Adjust your expectations accordingly. And if you insist on watching, do it in a group. Friends don't let friends watch a snoozer like this alone.

Adam Cancryn is an editor and co-founder of Began in '96.