Bring on the international break

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By Zach Ricchiuti

Three weeks in, European club soccer is taking its customary international break. But already there have been a slew of storylines and drama.

There’s nothing more depressing than realizing that, just three weeks into the new European soccer schedule, there are no games on this weekend. It’s the international break, the bane of all managers and coaches who ship off star players to their respective countries and then huddle in a corner clutching and rosary praying those same star players come back without crutches or a slew of prostitutes behind them (I'm looking at you Jonathan dos Santos).

He Who Must Not Be Named (formerly known as Robin Van Persie) was infamous for scoring goals by the bucketload just before the international break. The Dutch media would crown him the second coming of the great Johan Cruyff, ready to lead the Dutch to glory. And then an opposing defender would smash his knee in three places. Most recently, Juventus’ Giorgio Chiellieni played the villain, while also holding the distinction of owning the largest nose in Italy and being the only Juventus squadmember not been charged with match-fixing. Allegedly.

Now that I think about it, I certainly would not mind He Who Must Not Be Named falling down in a heap of bones after a crunching tackle from *insert Turkish player here*. Anything would be an improvement from watching him score a hat trick for Manchester United. Watching He Who Must Not Be Named score goals for Man U is a lot like being forced to watch your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband have sex with a richer, better-looking partner, all while he/she smiles at you and winks. Should I mention I am an Arsenal fan?

Back to the topic: There are a number of fascinating storylines to touch on after only three weeks of action. One has already been mentioned by my fellow writer, Joe Schackman, who in his honorable quest to learn more about the beautiful, holy game that is European soccer, has managed to somehow support the team of Satan himself, the Tottenham Hotspurs.

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Tottenham fired Harry Redknapp this summer and decided that they needed a manager with youth, vision, and a plan for future success. Does this sound like Chelsea circa 2011/2012? It should, considering that the Spurs hired former Chelsea coach Andre Villas Boas, the younger, far less sociable but better dressed version of his Portuguese counterpart Jose Mourinho. Villas Boas, who I’ll refer to as AVB, is according to English media law, most notable for winning the treble minor with Porto, benching Frank Lampard without explanation and then banishing Nicholas Anelka and Alex to play in the reserves while Chelsea limped out of the holy top-four places in England. 

If there's anybody who can dismantle a squad and cause chaos while impeccably dressed in an assortment of fitted suits, skinny ties, and club polos, it is AVB. But after deciding that his normal policy of introducing poorly communicated tactics wasn't enough, AVB decided to adopt the Arsenal method of self-destruction. He sold both of Tottenham's best players, Luka Modric and Rafael Van der Vaart, and brought in replacements. Did I mention that AVB has a problem dealing with players? Did I also mention that one of his first buys was Emmanuel Adebayor, the player who fell out with Arsenal fans after courting Milan midseason, and then proceeded to fall out with Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini? I could not have written a better script for disaster myself. 

But it's not all doom and gloom for Tottenham. They made some intelligent purchases in the transfer window. Ex-Ajax Amsterdam captain Vertonghen is a fine purchase, given that he has knees, and predecessor Ledley King did not. How a professional footballer manages to play as well as he did for that many years without any cartilage in his knees is truly a mystery. Clint Dempsey (obligatory GO USA!) is also a good purchase, and an absolute steal at $9 million. He has a track record of goal scoring in the Premier League and brings versatility to the front line. Moussa Dembele of Fulham also arrived at White Hart Lane this summer in a $20 million deal. As he showed against Norwich, Dembele will bring directness, strength, and dribbling to a Tottenham midfield that is anemic despite Gareth Bale's attempts at being the fastest white man since... well, there aren't many fast white men out there. 

But more than player or prayer, what AVB really needs is time. His 4-3-3 formation is attractive and fluid, but requires a lot from Tottenham's brainless wingers (Bale on the left and Lennon the right). Namely, he needs them to be intelligent and come in off the touchline to support their lone striker. He will also need to find the right balance of defense, while being able to send his fullbacks bombing forward. There are still question marks about the huge, Luka Modric-shaped hole in the center of their midfield, but Dembele might fill that hole with time. There is certainly potential in this Spurs side, and if they stick with AVB, he might be able to make it work. 

Moving on to Spain, it seems Cristiano Ronaldo is sad. Making roughly $300k a week, being the reigning golden boot winner in Spain and playing for arguably the most famous club of all time is normally enough to keep people happy. But Ronaldo, frankly, is a spoiled brat. 

I am not one to lightly pass over the human aspect of being an athlete. Money does not bring happiness and there is a track record of depression in sports. But somehow, Ronaldo does not strike me as someone capable of complex emotions or especially deep thought. Given that Barcelona’s Andres Iniesta recently won UEFA’s best European player honors, I’d imagine his temper tantrum has more to do with that. 

Him stonewalling the cameras after scoring goals this past weekend then declaring to the media that "I am sad, and the club know why," is quite obviously, not good for Madrid. There are some who feel that Ronaldo is undervalued by Real Madrid and their fans. Counterpart Lionel Messi is treated like a 5’4” god in Barcelona, held up as the genius and leader that he is, responsible for dragging Barcelona to tiki-taka victory. Ronaldo, on the other hand, faces more pressure. And coming off a season where he almost singlehandedly won the league title, it's possible that he's displeased with the club over a lack of support. Or a mass-shortage of hair gel. Both seem fairly possible reasons.

But on with the international breaks, where by the time of this being posted, the U.S. will face a must-win against Jamaica, England will have thrashed Moldova, and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named will have broken his leg in an earth-shattering collision with a Turkish defender (or he'll have scored a hat-trick). 

Fear not though, fellow fans, in just a week we’ll be back to the club battles that keep us coming back and the drama that keeps things interesting. I too will be huddled in a corner clutching my rosary, hoping that none of Arsenal’s players get injured.

Zach Ricchiuti is a contributor and resident European soccer expert for Began in '96.