The Hangover: Week 5

By Adam Cancryn

Consider week four our bye week. The Hangover is back, just in time to begin separating the teams that matter from those that are merely playing out the string. There are some surprises in both groups, so let's get to it. Here's everything you need to know about Sunday's NFL action:

• One of the factors discussed prior to the Bills-Eagles game was the "heat." Only in Buffalo does an October Sunday in the mid-70s count as a game changer.
• The Raiders went with a black patch on their helmets to honor owner Al Davis, who died Oct. 8.

• Deadspin's Sean Newell best summed up how those who weren't around during the early days of the NFL felt about Davis: "It's unfortunate that his name became a punchline at the end of his life because from what I've read about the man (I'm too young to have firsthand knowledge of his days as a sane person), he was a major player in creating the NFL as we now know it."
• The Cam Newton Show continued to barnstorm across the NFL, so wowing spectators and sportswriters that most opinions leave out the fact the Panthers' lone win came in the only game Newton failed to top 350 yards passing. As impressive as Newton has been (for a rookie), his decision making is questionable at best, and his interceptions are costing Carolina wins. It can be argued that the team would not even be competitive without him, and that certainly has some validity, but at some point, settling for a close loss will not be enough. Newton has brought excitement to Carolina, and that was no small feat. Now he needs to bring consistency. Do that, cut down on the mistakes, and the wins will follow.
• The Eagles with another disjointed, mystifying and cringe-inducing loss. Much more on this throughout, but the first thing that jumps out is that Philadelphia's offense seems to be overthinking things. Take Michael Vick's first of four interceptions: a play-action fake screen to the right, after which he spun around and tried to dump it off to the left. That kind of trickery seems unnecessary for a team with superior talent at all of the skill positions. Simplify, simplify, simplify. Get Vick in the shotgun and let the receivers create against overmatched corners.
• ESPN's Grantland is still struggling to find its voice, but one of its best features so far is Chris Brown's intricate, step-by-step breakdowns of NFL strategy. His latest story on Darren Sproles and the increasing use of the "space" player is fascinating, and provides great insight into teams' tactics for stretching the field both vertically and horizontally.
• In Minnesota, the "We want Ponder" chants started with 10:48 left in the first quarter. At that point, QB Donovan McNabb had yet to even attempt a pass.
• Another example of the Eagles' shooting themselves in the playbook: A direct snap to running back LeSean McCoy nets them 11 yards. Good wrinkle to throw in there. Next play is a similar end around to Desean Jackson that results in a four-yard loss. Like pitchers and the curveball, teams should never attempt back-to-back gadget plays.
• The Vikings' Adrian Peterson had two touchdowns before McNabb attempted a pass. This might be Minnesota's best strategy yet.
• It's been said before, but worth noting again: Before the season, Panthers wideout Steve Smith did everything short of discharging a firearm into his leg to get out of Carolina. Through five weeks, he now has 24 receptions for 530 yards. That puts him 24 yards away from his season total last year, and on pace for his first 1,000-yard season since 2008.
• Commentator and former coach Brian Billick on the Giants' knack for playing down to their competition: "Giants can't stand prosperity." Another inexplicable loss for New York, which had a chance to take control of the NFC East, but instead got outplayed by the Seahawks and backup QB Charlie Whitehurst in a 36-25 loss. 
• Giants Coach Tom Coughlin will be remembered for a few things when he finally leaves New York. 1) Won the 2008 Super Bowl, 2) Orchestrated a number of late-season surges 3) Watched his team underperform so consistently that the late-season surge has been the only reason he's kept his job this long.
• Like Aaron Rodgers last week, odds are that if you played against Adrian Peterson in fantasy football, you lost. 122 yards and 3 TDs is quite the day's work.
• If only Curtis Painter could play against the Chiefs every week. After much back and forth during the week about whether he would even start this game, Painter came out and torched Kansas City's secondary, putting up 277 yards and two TDs. Included in that were a pair of deep passes to wide receiver Pierre Garcon, one of which went 67 yards for a score.
• Unfortunately for Painter and Indianapolis, Kansas City's Matt Cassel got even more favorable treatment from the Colts' secondary. After going down 24-14 at the half, the Chiefs roared back, scoring 14 unanswered points to claim the victory. Cassel's final line was 257 yards and four TDs. 
• One of those Cassel TDs came on this absurd juggling catch by Dwayne Bowe. You'll have to judge for yourself whether it's better than this circuslike reception by the Giants' Victor Cruz:

• Speaking of Cruz, he's becoming the Giants' version of Desean Jackson. With Hakeem Nicks drawing much of the coverage, the little-known (and just plain little at a generous 6'0") Cruz has been able to stretch the field. He's got 369 receiving yards in the past three games now, with longs of 74 and 68 yards.
• Rookie Jaguars QB Blaine Gabbert's most significant contribution so far has just been his presence in the lineup. Unlike former starter Luke McCown, Gabbert demands some respect for his passing abilities, preventing teams from stacking the box against running back Maurice Jones-Drew.
• The Bills now have an interception return for a touchdown in three consecutive games. They lead the NFL with 11 total interceptions.
• Another turnover-related stat: Ben Roethlisberger committed his league leading 10th turnover this week, and it was an ugly one. With eight seconds left in the first half, the Steelers QB motioned like he was going to spike the ball, but instead tried to flick it out on a wide receiver screen. Only problem is that none of the three receivers in the vicinity knew that was the plan. Tennessee defensive back Cortland Finnegan stepped up and got the easy pick.
• Luckily for Ben and Pittsburgh, he made up for it with five touchdowns in a 38-17 rout.
• Let us count the ways in which the Eagles lack discipline:
• Four interceptions for QB Michael Vick
• A lost fumble by wideout Jason Avant
• With eight seconds left in the first half and the Eagles in field goal range, the team instead runs an eight-second play that culminates in Vick throwing it through the back of the end zone. Just the latest example of time management gone awry in Philadelphia.
• Tried, and failed, on surprise onside kick to start the second half. Luckily for them, the officials had yet to signal the start of the quarter, giving the Eagles the chance to not give their opponent the ball in field goal range.
• Needing to mount one more drive, the Eagles had forced the Bills into a 4th and 1. It was apparent that Buffalo planned to come to the line and use a hard count to try to draw a defender offside. All Philadelphia needed to do was sit there and wait for the play clock to wind down. Nevertheless, a defensive lineman jumped, Buffalo got their penalty and the first down, and the game was over before the Eagles had a chance at a last drive.
• In conclusion: Should this continue, Andy Reid's days have got to be numbered.

• Overshadowed in the Eagles' sloppy play was Michael Vick setting the all-time rushing record for a quarterback with 4,948 yards. He passed Randall Cunningham following a 53-yard scamper.
• Suck for Luck rankings, Week 5:
• Miami Dolphins: On a bye week, but made sure they didn't get any better. With QB Chad Henne injured, they signed former Giants' backup Sage Rosenfels. The chase for the No. 1 draft pick continues next week v. the Jets.
• Indianapolis Colts: Despite Curtis Painter's best efforts at improving his job security, Indy dropped its fifth straight, to fellow S4L contestant Kansas City. 
• Minnesota Vikings: Adrian Peterson is the only thing saving this team from historic incompetence. Donovan McNabb went 10/21 for 169 yards, yet they somehow still put up 34 points. 
• Kansas City Chiefs: They drop to the back of the pack after a stirring victory over the Colts, but Cassel will have to make his 4-TD performance a regular occurrence if he doesn't want the Savior from Stanford taking his spot.
• Rooke QB Andy Dalton and the Bengals have mounted fourth quarter comebacks in all three of their wins so far this year.
• It might be four years later than expected, but 49ers quarterback Alex Smith has finally made his developmental leap forward. The small-handed Utah product looked like a bona fide pocket passer in San Francisco's drubbing of the Tampa Bay Bucs.
• Redskins fans must be beside themselves. After watching Carlos Rogers drop any number of sure interceptions, the now 49ers cornerback has an interception in three consecutive games. That total is more than he has had in any one season prior.
• Jets tackle D'Brickashaw Ferguson with a light-hearted moment v. the Patriots. While blocking, his leg whipped around and caught defender Patrick Chung right in the helmet, lodging his cleat in Chung's face mask.

• Antonio Cromartie's interception of New England's Tom Brady was Brady's first red zone interception at home evahh. Not a typo.
• The Jets are having serious issues putting everything together. They got it almost all right v. the Patriots, but suffered from too many penalties and an inability to get big stops late. 
• As promised, New York showed a renewed commitment to the run, something they need to carry over into subsequent weeks. This is a run-first team, especially with center Nick Mangold back, and when the Jets  are controlling it on the ground, it allows QB Mark Sanchez to thrive off of play-action passes.
• Kyle Orton finally gave Denver a good reason to replace him with Football Jesus/3rd-string quarterback Tim Tebow, and the Broncos wasted no time pulling the trigger.
• As a quarterback, Tebow was mediocre at best: 4/10 for 79 yards. But he created on the ground, manufactured two TDs and gave Denver a last-second shot at a win. For a city disillusioned with the steady-yet-uninspiring Orton, that's enough to win over the fans. Tebow would have to perform a satanic ritual at midfield and then spontaneously combust to lose his grip on the starting spot. 
• Once again, Atlanta's Matt Ryan struggled to put together a complete game, pulling a disappearing act after two quick scores v. the Packers.
• It was the first solid performance for Green Bay's defense, and while they still needed Aaron Rodgers to throw for nearly 400 yards to close the early 14-0 deficit, they nevertheless did a good job clamping down on receivers Julio Jones (1 catch, 16 yards) and Tony Gonzalez (6 catches, 60 yards and 0 TDs).
• Final thought- Five weeks in, and for all the gaudy passing statistics we've seen, it appears winning still starts on the ground:
• There have been 10 400-plus-yard passing games so far this year, during which the quarterback's team is 3-7. The only wins have come from New England's Brady (twice) and Green Bay's Rodgers.
• By contrast, there have been 18 120-plus-yard rushing games so far this year, during which the running back's team is 13-5. Expand that to the 35 100-plus-yard rushing games, and the record improves to 26-9.

Detroit meets Chicago tonight in the first must-see Monday Night matchup this year. Cyborgs Calvin Johnson and Brian Urlacher, fresh off appearances in Real Steel, will be the duo to watch.